well, since I love music so much, and play the guitar, I thought I'd give a go at writing some lyrics, and later adding a melody etc and making a song

this is just a really rough copy, and isn't near done.

just a verse and the chorus so far

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The view at 18
Verse1:
These fluorescent lights are so bright
they burn my eyes
and I can't wait to see your face tonight
before my heart dies

Verse2:

Chorus:
The view at 18 can be so bitter sweet
seems like just yesterday
you came and swept me off my feet
told me we'd never have to say good-bye
said we'd be together till we died

Verse3:

Verse4:

Chorus:
The view at 18 can be so bitter sweet
seems like just yesterday
you came and swept me off my feet
told me we'd never have to say good-bye
said we'd be together till we died

Bridge:
I couldn't stop the rain from falling that day
and I couldn't stop you from walking away
now I can't get you out of my head
even though you left my heart for dead

Chorus:
The view at 18 can be so bitter sweet
seems like just yesterday
you came and swept me off my feet
told me we'd never have to say good-bye
said we'd be together till we died

but I guess that was just another lie
'cause here I am, just another lonely guy
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

comments, help, questions. are all appreciated

I'm not sure how to structure a song, so I went verse, verse, chorus, verse, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, and added like a little ending too

should I change the structure?

p.s. the direction I'm going with the song is very.. cloudy.. as I just wrote down different ideas etc.. that's why it so rough..

I think the general direction is this guy loves this girl, and the verses will say that.
and the chorus is kinda foreshadowing something

then you get to the bridge and it's like bam, sudden change, and this girl he loved doesn't love him anymore

then the chorus again, and acceptance

thanks (:

So far, I think the lyrics are really good. Though, it’s a bit hard to give critique on it (for me, that is) since it’s not finished yet. As for the structure, I don’t know if it really matters for songs. If my understanding is correct, you can just form it however you best feel it would work. Free poetic license, after all.

Sorry I’m not much help. But so far, I actually really do like what you’ve got lyric-wise. Good luck with making the song as a whole though =). I’ve always wanted to do this sort of thing. I sort of piddle with the guitar, but I’ve never actually made a song. But yeah, it’s looking good so far. I’d love to read the rest of the lyrics when you finish them =).

thanks dragon brigade, I think everyone can always count on you to give helpful insight on anything in the creative works section (:

I read most of your stuff that you posted on the forums, and it's really good, so you saying you like my lyrics means a lot to me.

thanks ^^