Yes, I realize I should have made this a long time ago. I didn’t because I hadn’t been writing as much poetry, thus the mentality that I’d only post up a topic maybe once a month >.o But, now I am back in the poetry mood (and though this is still at least one/two week(s) old, I’ve had the urge to write a lot more), thus the topic. Best I not flood the writing forum otherwise >.o Comments and critique are appreciated, but thanks for viewing at the least =).


I Am Free

Look into my eyes,
See that shining glimmer?
Watch the waves ripple back and forth,
Swirling around in a maelstrom of confusion.

Feed these jewels a beggars meal in thought,
Tainted now, see the black flow into the blue,
Eating away at the innocent white waves,
Peeling apart the upper layer of water.

Cold and empty,
Shriveled from the desire and want,
Bewildered and shunned,
Wandering amiss.

Darkness stares at my feet,
Clutches my legs,
Pulling, pulling,
I scream to stay afloat.

Wallowing in my pain,
The darkened pool deepens,
Sucking me into the inferno,
Excruciating truths await.

Swimming through the black abyss,
Straining my eyes to see through the darkness,
Echoes sound off of every wall,
I’m alone in this place; alone, alone.

A scream enters my hearing,
I cry out in alarm,
Swimming, swimming,
I fear the oncoming catch.

She cries again,
For me, for me,
I hear her not,
Bleeding, weeping.

The waters turn warm,
Darkness dispelled,
My feet fall onto concrete,
Weak and stiff.

Opening my eyes,
Sight will not come,
Screams reach my ears,
I am safe, I am safe.

My body is turned,
Carried away,
Life is gone with the black decay,
I am free, I am free.

I think this could be made into a good song. How you wrote the happenings, is nice. That's all I have to say for this one.

{You’ve just inspired me to go dig out my guitar, haha...I think I will make a song out of that, even if it amounts to nothing more than virtually an ennui saver...(I'm not very good with the guitar >.o). Thank you for the comments though. I appreciate it.}


Angel, Angel

Ravishing wings scintillate through bleak darkness
Burning charisma fuels the demeanor
Shrouded in black ether, corona yet gleaming
Angel, my angel, my kindling flame.

Dwindling emotions tide over rationality
Raging storms of equal disproportion
Soothing glances give way to my demise
Angel, my angel, my damnable angel.

Seductive charm emanates through your skin
Clothed saintly pure in funereal rags
Innocence becoming your bizarre mentality
Angel, my angel, lost to slow insanity.

Tattered and shredded your pride; the wings of my angel
Grueling compensation for a life lived a lie
Retrograde motion commences now death has received you
Angel, my angel, lost to the devil’s trick dice.

Rejected and ejected from the gamester's table
Nailed to the wall, your endorsement in blood
Coated with loose feathers, silky reality turned stone
Angel, angel, come to me, my angel.

Splattered walls rancid with denial and altruism
Wings frayed and drooping lopsided
Eyes shine into mine, so cold and defeated
Angel, angel, come home with me, angel.

Bright streaming lights evaporate into dust
Your wings disappeared, your body opaque
Gone with the torchlight of inhuman persistence
Angel, angel, you’ve abandoned me, angel.

Soft brushes stroke my cheek in gentle adoration,
A light turns on nearby welcoming dawn,
Harsh and condescending my eyes being to lie
Angel, angel, my angel lives in me.

Death not defying your characteristic beauty
Life only waiting for semantic reunion
Entwined with my spirit, your essence within
Angel, my angel, you thrive on my soul.

Where on earth do you get inspired? You are doing great, maybe you should find a way to release those songs. Don't know how they would sound but the words themselves are nicely thought out.

Contemplated Suicide


Sorrow deepens through my being
Tearing to shreds hope and desire,
Leaving behind an unrecognizable trail of excrete
Imbued in perversion and malice.

Wafting through my body like a summer’s fresh breeze
Sinking to the posterior in a screen of blazon fury,
Turning the levers as it falls to the bottom
Leaving behind distortion and noise.

Turbulent waters crash against the gates,
Screaming for justice in a time of deliverance
From hurricanes of derision
To shores of peaceful respite.

Calming volcanoes with catastrophic lava flows
Surfeit with ash covering life,
Streams sift through the abundant residue
Layered on top of bricks to a dam.

Releasing the switches let flow to the surging water,
Swirling in maelstroms too harsh for safe passage
Only calmed by the starlight’s sweet glimmer
After the climax is reached and water’s passage has no medium.



Edit: Thank you for the comments as well, Crimson =). Not sure how well these would turn out as songs, but maybe someday I'll try it out. Thanks for the feedback.

Newborn Death

Tasteless blood clogs my throat,
Breath comes in gasps, hard to hold onto.
Screams issue forth; mute to the ears.
No one can hear me; my presence unheeded.

Floundering uselessly like a fish
Without mercy, I’m prodded with light,
Oxygen passes by through the knife sinks in deeper
Close enough to carve out my heart and illuminated soul.

Hidden from sight, I’m cut at in rhythm
Songs reach my ears, still yet unformed.
Pain takes ahold and death grips its prey,
Warding them off, a new window opens.

Sacrificial offerings to gods deep below,
I pass from this world to another of peace
Wrought out of their ignorance, in selfish blindness
No man sees the light, when all they seek is death.

I like it. The events are very well described, and it holds my attention while reading it. Good job!

Thank you for the comments, Gelmar =). This next one is another of my typical dark poems, but it’s sort of a narrative poem as well. I tried to do something new instead of the “same old, same old”, so hopefully this one isn’t a total failure. Anyway, thanks again for the feedback =). Perhaps my next poem will be a little lighter, haha. One could only hope, anyway >.o. Otherwise one might think I’m incapable of writing anything happy *laughs*. =). In all seriousness, I hope this next one is alright.



Memoirs

Thrice denied your contemptuous gaze,
Filled colander of malicious thoughts resurfaced,
Spitting in your image with renewed verve,
I stalk you by night;
I hunt you by day.

Slinking away in tranquil thoughts of peace,
I bite my lips in angry disposition,
Terrified by failure, a thought not un-new,
You ran away then;
You evade me even now.

So calm and gay, watching you now,
Content with a family, so brutish and frail,
Remorseful from the past, so cruelly rejected;
You, etched into history,
I, fading into memory.

When will I break way from this path set in stone,
Hardened and molded by years long since passed?
Spent in sick prostitution, learned by the elder,
Hunting you now;
Release me from my past.

Seeking your face, your image, your being,
Yearning for a meeting with which to ease my soul,
Wishing I could erase my past spent so foolishly,
Where are you now;
I need your forgiveness.

Perhaps it’s better after all, a whore left un-dead,
Penance for my crimes, so callous and sinful,
Looking for a new way out, a path, a light,
I’m looking for you, your happiness, your joy;
No matter my intentions, I look the wrong way.

You pass into memory, my memory;
I glow in the future world, an icon;
No more can you haunt my thoughts, a prison cell;
I am free from you, a sinner;
Only by my death, I shall find your source of light.

{Song of the Suffering Servant}


Breath new life into me
A shattered vase long past use,
Give me a shred of hope;
Your humble potter’s strength.

Display on the altar
My life made anew this day,
Give me meaning beyond
What is known of past grievance.

Purge from my spirit here
Pain that lingers forth from times
When life fell down through deep
Into new calamity thus.

I ask for only life,
Forgiveness from the sins of time
When all was known is hurt,
But now is known glory.

Unto thee I come forth,
Descend upon me that I may
Be forgiv’n and renewed
To live as your servant now.

A simple song here spun
Echoes yearning from two-fold,
Hear my song if it please;
In me, recreate thine mercy.

Just a short one. I was originally starting this for the poetry contest (Nostalgia), but then I stopped after two stanzas, came back to it about a week later, and decided I liked it as it was. So yeah. Just thought I’d share it. I have more on the way, as well (also rejected poems for the "Nostalgia" poetry contest, haha.). I just don't feel like digging them up right now, so I'll get them up later. =).

-That was my second attempt for the “Nostalgia” poetry contest, but I thought it was really lame and submitted something else instead, haha...Feedback if you wish, otherwise thanks for viewing. =).

Not sure if that one was any good or not. I’ll have some more up soon that will hopefully be more emoted. Any comments/critique are welcome.

Burning Passion


Passion’s bleeding through these scathing veins
A grueling, searing, ice cold pain
Voices speak luminously inside my mind
Juggling up endless follies with time
Ruptured scars spark up debate
Striking up the maritime skate
Seeking now to heal our wounds,
Slicing through the dreamer’s plate
Yearning
to replace with fate,
Cruel renditions of time splitter’s logic;
Fading time, long lost lives
Taking pain and love in stride
Peeling aside cool sanctions, freed
meaning of
seduction
Lust, avarice; greed
Nothing has meaning, nothing is breathing
Everything is gone,
Motionless, cold
Fading persona to the travesties of time
Love of new discoveries
Met with unsatisfying frigid death.


This was one of those more spontaneous poems I’ve written. I started it last night (got the general idea down), then finished sprucing it up just now. Unfortunately, I cannot get my original format to work (I feel it adds a considerable amount to this as a poem, so without it, it feels a bit...empty of certain rhythm when I read it), so I had to make due with it like this...Other than that minor “error”, enjoy, and hopefully the poem/song actually makes sense.

Any C&C is appreciated. Thanks for viewing. =).

I only read the first one, but wow. It's so good.
it's hard to explain, but the words you chose, and how they flowed together was amazing.
and I agree I think it'd make a really good/deep song

I’m a little late, but thank you for the comments, Ryan. =).

This next one I actually composed yesterday while I was traveling, so I decided I would write it down and just finished the last stanza now. Enjoy.


Trail of Smoke


Ablaze and unbroken, the undying sun
Strengthens through hell’s devouring fires,
Feeding upon the flickering flame
Who knows no lust or earthly bounds.

Deceit lies in a dream, quickly fading to ashes
Before the grand funeral pyre of burning souls,
Spinning the rhythmic melody of life’s electrifying tune
Into a reality made manifest; breath deeply once more.

Against the Fall

Rose petals fall softly upon my icy forehead
As the beckoning wind thrusts my raven tresses
Fluidly across a pale visage.
Soon your pressure begins pushing me down
Farther and farther into the silky grass
Until all I can feel is your cool breath treading lovingly on my cheek,
A soothing trace of smoke, toxic and alluring.

Warmth from your lips
Radiates over my face as yours press firmly against mine,
A blissful retreat emanating from all
Space and time into an alternate dream.
Waking at dawn we once more sing our song of longing;
Again we caress love,
Again we suffer the pain for separation.

Entwined within one another,
Inseparable souls crying out for the other,
We blend and we mold
'til life becomes reality inside the closed box,
Sharing an escape into holiness and relief too sacred for words,
We create an alliance against perilous forces of darkness,
Protection against the fall.

This was the poem I came up with the prior poetry contest (theme: Megalomania), but since that one fell through I’ll post it here.



Coming to Terms

There’s no end in sight as we
Watch the pendulum swing,
Turn around and look at me, you’ll
Feel the chaotic ocean within

Swimming though endless nightmares alone, I
Miss the days when peace could be found,
Trampling upon my maiden gown, the
Blood pools deeper as the wounds progress

Innocence is fleeting, wisdom becomes manifest when
Truth is denied, the funeral bell tolls when
I sing a song decrying the heavens, now
Life itself is snatched away, replaced by eternal night

Harder I fall into the pit of despair, deeper
I withdraw into my earthly shell, longing
For someone to pick me up, wishing
I had my innocence

It all comes back through the echo of time, it
Lives on through me, sucking me dry, I
Know the truth, I wish I didn’t, earthly retreat
Becomes the only hope of escape for the marauding soul.

Maelstrom's entourage of supernova stars
Gleam innocently upon victims of vague
Superstition, leaving galactic high bars
On which odysseys shoot from comet-like stags,
Deterring from the path towards destruction
In violent waves of light, so beautiful,
Known to man as Haley's Comet's eruption.
Throwing off course the moon and stars, eternal
Asphyxiation of stardust, meaning
Light, closed off beyond the void, shutting out life,
Breathing inside an atmospheric evening
Which reminisces past and future's lit strife,
Phantasmagoria flits through space and time,
Shedding tears on planets doomed to lapse in rhyme.



-------

My poetry seems to get crappier by the day (attempted to do this sonnet style, as it's been a while when I've done one like that.). *laughs*. No idea what possessed me to write this, but I did it anyway. Hopefully it was an interesting bit of mushy writing.

I really liked " Against the fall" You used to write great poetry before, but this one is way more improved. I love it's flow. It's fun, the description is rich, and screams out the impression of the moment.
The others were a bit complicated for me to understand, so I won't comment those.

Sorry for failing to make it in the contest despite I gave the topic lol

Anyways I have to say DB. The 3 of them are quite well written.

Though I think you should properly cut your sentences into shorter lines for example.

instead of

"Warmth from your lips radiates over my face as yours press firmly against mine,
A blissful retreat emanating from all space and time into an alternate dream."

do

"Warmth from your lips radiates over my face
As yours press firmly against mine,
A blissful retreat emanating from all space and time
Into an alternate dream."

its actually easier to read and easier to keep on track, reading long lines without break tend to make people lose focus because of the shortage of breath lol.

At the same time when you break up the line. You made it to become more "focused on details" like "lips Radiates over my face" "as yours pressed firmly against mine." I would have a more detail imagery.

Where as if you place the line as a whole "Warmth from your lips radiates over my face as yours press firmly against mine" It gives a more "general overview" imagery. I hope my explanation is good. Basically not fully using its "sensual potential" lol.

But I liked the last one though. Very Strong. Very Powerful. But no Title lol. Keep up the good work

@Gelmar: Thank you. ^^. I can't even remember what I was thinking when I wrote it, but I've recently decided that if I ever start a band, it's going to be named "Against the Fall". It has this sort of ring to it, don't you think? Maybe it's just me.

Again, thank you for the comment. I appreciate it. =).


@Dookie: I was mostly trying to write them where it'd be descriptive enough to convey the emotion, but I see what you mean. I'll go edit it to use it's full sensual potential. =p.

I'm glad you like the latest one though. I didn't think much of it at the time (was just writing something that had to do with space and adding fancy words in it), but I reread it right now and I guess it's not so bad.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'll go fix up "Against the Fall" and keep it in mind for future writings. Thanks for the feedback. ^^.

You have a real talent for poetry, you use imagery especially well, I have to admit, you are of a rare and dying breed; those who appreciate the written word. Keep at it! ^.^

@Dream: Thank you for the support. I appreciate it. =).

(This is a poem I just found while I was going through my poetry folder on the computer and thought I’d put it up. It’s from March, according to the “Date Modified” thing, so it’s not too old. But after reading it, I suppose there’s a reason I never posted it. xD.)





(Another old one I found. Probably worse than the previous one, but I’ll let you guys decide if you like it or not.)




(This one I was actually going to write for my mom on Mother’s Day, but I never finished it. This is as far as I ever got on it.)





And that’s it for now. I’ll no doubt have some new (and complete) stuff up soon.

Well you comment consistently in my little nothing, so the least I could do is make a comment in here. I read your Mother's Day one. To be honest I hide all of my writing work from my mother like its porn, so that's pretty brave of you. Or it may just be me.

I usually hate poetry, but having read yours in the past a number of times, including now, I don't mind reading it at all. Usually it seems you don't try to rhyme, which is good since slighly off key rhyming in poetry makes me cringe. And no obvious signs of 'my love for you is like a neverending fountain of despair' kind of thing. Thank God. My favorite kind of writing is one that shows subtle imagery, which is what you do. And you do it very well. Your writing is very clean and well written, your very intelligent for one so young. Maybe its because your still going to high school but to be honest, I never heard the word cadence before. You certainly used it correctly though. I'll have to make a mental note not to send my child to a small, underpaid school that only gets its money from donations. I'm sure you can understand what I mean by that subtlety. *sigh*

In any case keep it up. You would probably do well if you publish some of these. Perhaps not officially exactly. But in high school my english teacher forced everyone to write a poem and they were sent in to some contest where the 'good ones' were made into a book. That type of thing, if you actually care about writing and whatnot, it can be a vindicating thing to get noticed.

I’ve actually been home schooled since the beginning of Sophomore year (which was last school year - though I’m still working on a class), so I wouldn’t really be able to get into that type of thing. For now I’m fine with my anonymity...But actually, another friend (and even my sister) had suggested that I try and get some of these published. I don’t know how much I like the thought of it. >.>. That and I don’t know who’d publish it anyway. My vocabulary of magazines includes Time, People (and other variations), my local newspaper (which is virtually crap and they don’t accept poetry anyway...), and all of those “lose fifty pounds in two weeks!” magazines that are sprawled all over the local grocery stores. I guess I could just put together a collection of some that I like (and make revisions over time) and publish a book of my own poetry. But I’d actually rather start a band and have the lyrics be sung. That’s actually mostly been my intent, but there are multiple factors that make me doubt that ever happening. So I guess I could go for a book, but I’m still hesitant about having the possibility of a larger group of people reading them (well, Dreamers is still sort of big, but let’s face it, twenty people pale in comparison to a couple million, haha).

As for the Mother’s Day one, I never actually showed it to her (*winces*). To be honest, I don’t really even share any of my work with my family. They just know that I’m an obsessive compulsive when it comes to writing. >.o. I’ve shown stuff to my sister, but not to anyone who is in the vicinity with me that might try to strike up a conversation on the poem (sent a few to an old classmate, but I don’t see actually *see* her). I dunno if it’s the same with you, but I actually really despise having a conversation in person with someone about something I’ve written, just because it feels so awkward. On the computer it’s fine because you have fifty light-years between you and the other person, but when they’re standing two feet in front of you and their eyes are shooting you like lasers, searching for information and just studying you...It gets a bit discomfiting. >.o.

Ah well. One of these days I’ll show my family something, but I don’t know what. = /

Anyway (sorry, that was a bit long, haha), thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it, as always. =).

Don't worry, it's not just you two, I hide my art and writing from my family like it would cause another world war. Most of my family cant see me as anything other than what they've already pegged me as, which rarely involve the words: poetic, artistic, articulate or deep. My friends are always far more understanding, and accepting of my artistic endeavors than others tend to be.

@DB - Sorry I haven't been on this forum in a while, but I have been a little busy moving.... ^back on subject^ I loved your older poems, I see no reason you're ashamed of them, admittedly, they lack the depth your poetry usually contains... but they are far better than my poetry from when I was your age... *shiver*

Thanks for the comments, Dream. =). Here's a new one I wrote:

I have no idea what this is either. Just spur of the moment writing.

===Aria===

The beginning

Of an interlude,
Crying out for rights.
Seamlessly fashioned
into a machine to serve,
to reap of devastation.

The middle

Of a song,
Hoping for renewed energy.
Beaten into melody
for a worn-down sailor,
a man of sorrowful wisdom.

The end

Of a lifetime,
Wising for one more chance.
Despair released with each breath
into the echoing night,
a mournful reprise.