First, if you don't much care for a poor high school boys crush, just ignore this...

Okay, here is the situation. There is this girl in my 7th hour class at my school. She is strangely, attractive, but in a different sense. She is almost cute, but at the same time, she is beautiful. I have a hell of a crush on her. I have since I saw her. Anyways, I have talked to her once, but I have tried to several times. I want to write her a poem, that is what I do. No, I am not always that good at it, but I try, and that is how I express myself. This is what I came up with.


The moon
It reflects the light of the sun
And it turns that light into beauty.

You are the like the moon
You reflect beauty
And you turn it into something more.


That is all I have come up with so far, is that good, or does it need more. I honestly think it needs more. Also, this is more directed towards advice from the woman and girls on this site. No offense to my fellow man, but most of are idiots when it comes to this kind of stuff, and the rest of us are just ass holes.

HELP

Leave my girlfriend alone.

It sounds nice... for a real poem its prolly not enough...
How about you get a nice valentine themed card and write that onto it?

Its short enough to fit perfectly onto such a card... Sign it and try to smuggle it into her bag or something... Make sure though she can see the card easily so it won't be forgotten in the bag or something...

Good Luck.

You have a nice start on it so far, but I personally think it needs more to it. Just add more of what you feel about her, and exaggerate it. That’s what you do in poetry. It adds more of that feel to it...that “romantic” sense. It may not be entirely true, but it was true enough for you to think/feel half-way, and by exaggerating some of the things it just adds more to the overall effect (and if it isn’t a true emotion, it can still help to add it because it might help pronounce a feeling you might include later on. Depends, really.).

Of course, if you did that, it might become more personal and probably something you’d just want to share with her and not post the finish product up on a public forum as this where people might end up tearing it apart (though given the overall activity in this forum, I doubt you’d have to worry about that. But, one can never be so sure =).). I can’t say if that be the case, but just make the poem as personal as you can, while keeping it within the bounds of where you want to go. If there are some things you don’t feel like sharing (to her), don’t say them, but just keep it true to what you feel.

You do have a nice start so far though. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when it’s finished. Good luck with it. =).

Thanks for the help, I have decided to just ask her out, and save the poem for something else... NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS ASK HER OUT!!!