not bad bro, just a tip though, try to follow through with one thought before you hit another, it disrupts the feel of it. Also, try to keep present and past tense clear, like instead of:

Last time I checked, Air Raiders don't know fear. This is what we call a "torn war." A war... where we stop fate.

try following through past the fear bit, and making it all seem like one train of thought, like:

Last time I checked, Air Raiders didn't know fear. It's easy to forget something like that when your fighting a 'torn war' A war, where you stop fate.

i sorta took some liberties there, but you see how it's all sorta tied into one statement, makes it flow just a bit better.

also, instead of

The Elite is no better off

it should be:

The Elite are no better off

when you your talking about more than one person, it should be 'are' not 'is'

I hope that helps a bit.

Thanks for correcting me. It was a first draft so I obviously expected some errors, but it was late so I didn't continue it.

For an introduction / prologue, it's not bad. You've got the makings of a very interesting premise going, so I look forward to Chapter 1 when you finish it. =).

Mm, same here. When I saw 'Sky Raiders' I immediately had Skies of Arcadia in my head, if anybody played the Dreamcast or GameCube version. Not bad though, with those fixed errors its a very decent start. I'd like to see the first chapter too. Sounds interesting, keep it up. Also remember that using the spell check on Word or whatever you use sometimes won't be the end all. It won't turn your first draft into a final, since it does miss things. So be sure to look it over yourself before you post it or whatever. We might not be as fast as a computer, but nobody knows what our story is supposed to look like except ourselves.

hmmm... perhaps I should point you to some of my recent work. You might get inspiration from it. I do a lot of fiction about flight, and combat since I got back. You might get an idea of how a soldier thinks, might help ya out a bit.

reply if ur interested, I'll upload and link the work.